I had two fears about coming to South America:
1.) El Chupacabra
2.) Being abducted by rebels, slowly adopting their values, leading a coup; my parents learning of this on CNN.
For those who don’t know, el Chupacabra, or “Goat Sucker,” as it translates, is a small human/bat-like animal that preys on the livestock of poor farmers in places like Mexico, the southern United States, and here in Chile. If being a mix of a human and a bat isn’t horrifying enough, el Chupacabra reportedly has glowing red eyes, long sharp teeth, and kills by sucking all the blood out of its victims. Now, there are people who say that el Chupacabra “doesn’t exist” in the “real world.” This may be. It may also be that el Chupacabra, like Big Foot and the Loch Ness monster, is just too horrifyingly clever to be caught.
But little did I know, before coming here, that if I were to encounter the Chupacabra in Chile, my biggest concern would be trying to understand what it was saying (presumably it speaks Spanish). Likewise, it would be hard to lead any rebel coups if I can’t talk to my minions.
That is to say, I don’t speak Spanish very well. And it’s not just the famously difficult Chilean Spanish either. When travelling through Argentina and Uruguay, whenever I thought my Spanish may have been improving, something came along to kick me in the face. An example from what should have been an easy transaction in an Uruguayan McDonald’s:
(Translated from Spanish)
Me: I’d like two hamburgers please—
Guy: What?
Me: Two hamburgers.
Guy: Which?
Me: Hamburgers.
Guy: Yes. Which hamburger?
Me: Plain hamburger.
Guy: (Blank stare)
Me: (Pointing to the menu) Hamburguesa, simple. Hamburguesa.
Guy: Which?
Me: (Still pointing) The one that costs 30 pesos… Hamburguesa. Right there.
Guy: (Face contorted in confusion, twisting more and more by the second; exploring whole new levels of bewilderment.)
Other worker: Something something something (in Spanish)
Guy: Oh, hamburguesa. Sure. Anything else?
Me: I want to kill you.
Maybe my accent is worse than I think. Or maybe, and this is really the issue, I’m just not trying hard enough. Before coming here (future students read closely) I was assured by all manner of people that being immersed in the culture and language would have me learning at warp speed. Not so much the case. Turns out, you have to make a real effort to put yourself out there everyday and actually speak Spanish, no matter how many mistakes you make. And if you’re going to hang out with your American (get used to the word gringo) friends all the time, at least try to speak Spanish amongst yourselves. Also don’t be afraid to give advice that you don’t follow yourself.
